The Dash


Phil would be proud of how he spent his dash.

I am thankful to have been part of his dash.

Rest in Peace, my Phil xxxx

Advertisements

The Dance

I am not in a place at the moment to find my own words, but one day very soon, I will be. 

So, I will leave it to Garth Brooks to say it for me. 

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of 

The dance we shared beneath the stars above 

For a moment all the world was right 

How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye 

And now I’m glad I didn’t know 

The way it all would end the way it all would go 

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 

But I’d have to miss the dance 

Holding you I held everything 

For a moment wasn’t I the king 

But if I’d only known how the king would fall 

Hey who’s to say you know I might have changed it all 

And now I’m glad I didn’t know 

The way it all would end the way it all would go 

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 

But I’d of had to miss the dance 

Yes my life is better left to chance 

I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss the dance.


I am thankful that we told each other “I love you” every day.

I am thankful we were part of each other’s journey.

I love you, always (and then some), my Phil xxxx


Untitled 2


A massive thank you again from both my husband and myself for all the love, thoughts and prayers sent our way over the past 10 days from people on Twitter, many of whom I interact with regularly and some who I don’t. You have all helped keep me positive.

After a few scary times over the past week, today some good news. When I got to the hospital, they had reduced the sedation and my husband was awake and recognised me when I walked in. He even winked at me. After speaking to the consultant for a bit, she decided that in terms of taking the breathing tube out, it was now or never, as he was doing most of the breathing himself anyway.

By the time I left, they had taken the tube out and he is now breathing for himself, with an oxygen mask on. He cannot yet speak but instead of one baby step today, he has taken a full adult one.

There is still a long way to go in his recovery and his insides still need sorting, but today has been a good day.

Untitled

 

Right now I am a mess.

My darling husband is currently in ICU, under heavy sedation, machines keeping his heart going, keeping his blood pressure up and breathing for him. 

I have been nagging him for months to see the doctor but he kept saying no. Eventually, after being in bed for a week, in agony with stomach pains, struggling to get his breath and other ailments, on Thursday I got the Doctor to visit him. She immediately got him admitted to hospital. 

They poked, prodded, discussed and asked questions. My husband writhed in pain.

I left him overnight and when I went to see him on Friday he had deteriorated and they had decided to move him to ICU, take him into theatre to investigate and then decide next steps.

It was at this point they told us they were worried about his heart and because he was so poorly they would keep him sedated overnight.

I waited and waited until the doctor came to tell me they didn’t know what was wrong with him. They had found liquid in his abdomen and that he had an infection that they were treating with antibiotics. They also said he had some damage to his heart but were unsure how much. He was going to be kept under sedation for 24-48 hours.

Yesterday, a different doctor spoke to me. He said the tests had shown that my husband had had a major heart attack in the past few days and that some of the pain in his abdomen was probably due to this. Also, there were issues with his liver and an infection. 

Then the bombshell…he may not make it. 

I have been pushing that thought to the back of my mind since he went into ICU and being positive that he was going to pull through. He may still do so and I am using all my positivity to channel this hope.

But it is hard, very hard.

Update Tuesday 1st August 

(Happy Yorkshire Day, my Yorkshire hubby)

Having been heavily sedated since Friday afternoon, today they have reduced sedation and also the oxygen my husband is using from the machine. Earlier this afternoon when I visited, his eyes were open and reacting slightly to the light and he was moving his arms. 

I cried (the nurse thought I was upset) but I was so happy just to see those gorgeous brown irises again.

My husband has often accused me of being too optimistic at times and I am holding this very much in check as I know there is still a very, very long way to go, and there will be backward steps and bad news to come as the parts inside him still need to be investigated and healed (if they can be). But for now a step, no matter how small, is still a step.

Thank you all for your thoughts, kind wishes and prayers. Keep them coming as we still need them.

No Regrets


There are times in your life when you are faced with decisions and some you live to regret. 

I don’t want to do that.

As some of you are aware, my work life has been a bit up and down, to say the least, over the past few years and I have been fighting the good fight on workload, teacher morale and well being.

A couple of months ago, the straw that broke me landed on my back. My husband and I were discussing next steps for my career when fate dropped an opportunity on my lap that made me stop and think really deeply about what I wanted to do next.

So I went for it. 

From September I am joining the most positive, energising, enthusiastic Headteacher I have ever met, as one of the Parklands staff, as SENCo. 

I can’t wait.

Thank you Chris.